all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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