She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Randomize
