My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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