you turned your livingroom into a bong?
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
