Moan for me like Helen Keller
I think my fart just growled at me.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
