just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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