This is not my ceiling
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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