he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
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