apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
