Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
