11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Lo siento on account of my penis...
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
