Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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