loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Randomize
