Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
