So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
