Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
