Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
