I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
