I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
