I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Randomize
