JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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