Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
