69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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