rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Randomize
