I don't think brook has ever known best
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
