threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I think a kid would responsible me up
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
