I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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