One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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