so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
