come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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