watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
