I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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