Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Randomize
