After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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