my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
