i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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