If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
