sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
