Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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