Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
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