I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
pop tarts are not kleenex
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
My feet surprised me
Randomize