There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
i dont even know how to be here
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
