I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
my nose is crying tears of wow.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
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