I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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