Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
