why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
