Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
God gave him joint rollers for hands
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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