Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I showed him my bush... on skype.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
