I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
