Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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