put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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