i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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