i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
