Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
