What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
