my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
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