There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Moan for me like Helen Keller
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
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