Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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