Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Randomize
