I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Your shirt... Was in my pants
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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