i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
