peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
