all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
