so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
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