At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
