are you still at the devil's house?
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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