Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
