i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
So squirting runs in the family.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
