What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
