My hand turned me down
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
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