Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
She bit a glass in half.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I think I sprained my soul last night
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize