Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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