New low: just hacked my moms facebook
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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