How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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