I'd wear matching sweaters with you
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
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