My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
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