Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
We need to get me chipped asap
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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