ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Randomize
