Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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