dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Randomize