dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
