Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Even the bartender felt bad for me
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
