I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
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