my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
