Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
i already hear my dad disowning me
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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