at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Randomize
