I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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