distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Randomize
