DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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