I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
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