I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
