It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Randomize
