Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
