you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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