Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
