What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
