If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize